by Jason Taylor-1/17/2017
I have a question that only you can answer (and answer you must). Do you have cancer, or does cancer have you? As you reflect, this question does not ignore the serious and threatening nature of cancer, nor the life changing impact it has. In March of 2016, I was diagnosed with a type 4 glioblastoma and had surgery at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital days later to remove a tumor the size of a plumb. I had many scattered thoughts and with the passage of time, a longer list of things about which to think. At some point in this journey, I realized that a serious villain with bad intentions had been introduced into my story and that the good guy had to win. While I am sure it is normal to be devastated by the news or overwhelmed by all of the thoughts that can derail life as normal, we do have say and choices and autonomy. With that said, if you are dealing with this personally or alongside someone close to you, I want you to think of the hero in this story. While a villain may have stepped onto to stagecoach to rob the passengers of life or the high quality of life they were previously enjoying, no one has to be held hostage. Passengers on this journey don’t have to be passive. They may have cancer, but it doesn’t have to “have” them. The full grasp of cancer goes as far as one’s minds let it. I know I decided to keep my wits about me and I found that cancer also came bearing gifts. I would not wish the experience upon anyone, but haven’t I seen my truest friends? Haven’t I been the recipient of a thousand small kindnesses? Haven’t my wife and children seen the once invisible community come to the fore in a hundred different ways, filling our respective buckets? Empathy and compassion have become woven into daily experiences, and are so much more than just hollow, trite, inspirational words. I have seen legions of warriors who fight, with dignity and courage, for their precious lives and those they hold dear.
So while cancer may be a character in my story, it is not the story. Of the thousands of days I have lived and millions of breaths I have drawn, cancer has just a cameo role in this saga! I am the hero of this romantic comedy! I have been here for over one billion seconds and have crowded so many moments of joy and beauty into them. Cancer’s last gift was the platform it gave for me to share, to help, and to inspire.
So yes, I have cancer. But I still steer my ship. I am the captain of my soul. I still choose to fight every day as I breathe and love and create and coach and teach and parent. I see the brighter future. I bask in the glow of the brighter now. I stand defiantly and marvel at the abundant gifts all around and the staggering beauty of life. I have cancer, but it doesn’t have me. You must answer the question in your own way. You won’t have to utter a single word to answer the question I posed. Everyone you count as family and friends will see your answer. The experience can transform lives and give you opportunities to inspire and connect. Be well. Live well.